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Whiskey & Wry

39. The Boy who cried 'Wolf!'

The famous story of the 'Boy Who Cried Wolf' goes something like this — one day in Ye Olden Times, in a Vaguely-European-Countryside Location, a little shepherd boy got bored. Tired of playing Candy Crush on his smart phone, and weary of the dull, classical-music soundtrack that accompanied all activities in Ye Olden Times, he turned away from his sheep, cupped his hands to his mouth, and shouted, "Wolf! Wolf! I saw a wolf!" Hearing the boy's cries, the villagers — who were also bored when not burning witches, looking for witches to burn, or shoveling plague victims into mass...

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38. The circus has left town - or has it?

It's the end of an era, folks. This week marks the permanent closure of an antiquated production known for its gaudy spectacle, showmanship, and cruelty. Yes, that's right — say good-bye to the Clinton Foundation. Having lost the presidency, Bill and Hillary now lack a vehicle for influence peddling, so they're shutting down their controversial foundation. Wait, no, that's not what this post is about. After 146 years of successfully preventing riots by pissed-off elephants and instilling a deep-seated fear of clowns in generations of young people, Ringling Brothers is calling it quits. We'll miss cramming ourselves onto cold, merciless, back-breaking...

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37. The Absurdity of 'Hate Crime' Laws

This week's Clickbait Shocker is tailor-made for the types of outrage-driven shares that fuel social media these days — to wit, a young man with "special needs" was abducted by feral youths in Chicago, and then tied up, brutalized, terrorized, and scalped. His captors — one of them in her early twenties, the others teenagers — shamelessly shared video of the whole sordid saga on Facebook Live. Predictably, this disturbing footage prompted the nation's Legal Experts — i.e., political partisans of every stripe, as well as those compulsive Tut-Tutters who lecture their long-suffering co-workers on "First-World injustices" while waving around the latest iPhone — to mount the cyber-barricades....

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36. 2016 — Fat, drunk, and stupid?

When historians consider the events of the past year, they're certain — and we do mean certain — to anoint 2016 as the "Most 'Animal House' Year" of the new millennium. On its way in the door, 2016 hit the punch bowl hard, snorted dismissively at the relative sanity of 2015, and hollered, "To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!" Wrapped in a bedsheet with a lampshade on its head, 2016 started off with a bang when a naughty North Korea launched a banned missile over howls of protest from the neighbors upstairs. In June, the United Kingdom voted to leave the drunken party known...

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35. A Strife of Interests

"Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles.The conduct of public affairs for private advantage." — Ambrose Bierce   Election 2016 — A watershed event or an illusion of choice? Hillary Clinton, who played a human being on TV, skillfully sought to shape the entire world as one, massive Clinton Foundation scam. Her adversary, Donald Trump — a guy who managed to 'deep-throat' himself on sexual assault — grew rich by gaming contractors, creditors, students, laws, and donors. It may be heresy in wild-eyed, partisan circles, but the idea of either one assuming the reins of power should trouble any conscientious soul. This election...

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