33. Blame Canada

A familiar election cry: “If X wins, I'm moving to Canada!” But, if X = Trump, then a migration becomes more likely. And Canadians are wriggling cold toes in anticipatory delight at a possible flood of greenbacks and celebs.

The “Cape Breton if Donald Trump Wins” site was so inundated by American queries that immigration lawyers now offer free advice to ride an expected bonanza of business.

Nova Scotia's official travel agency, Destination Cape Breton, is assisting the beleaguered website which was intended as a prank. The dating service Maple Match is now arranging for unwed Canadians to hook up with fleeing Americans.

John Candy would've loved our funny libertarian t shirtsCanadians openly dangle the advantages of moving to North America's attic. For example, Americans blend in easily with the millions of “extremely boring regular white person” who have little cultural identity unless they are “dressed to go outdoors.” I mean, when did you last send out for Canadian food? Decades ago, a competition to capture the national identity asked people to complete the phrase “As Canadian as...” The winner? “...as possible under the circumstances.”

Of course, a backlash could always bring to life the John Candy movie "Canadian Bacon." There, in the wake of Candy criticizing Canadian beer at an Ontario hockey game, President Alan Alda starts a cold war to raise his poll ratings.

The media is complicit. An NBS News Anchor declares, “Think of your children pledging allegiance to the maple leaf. Mayonnaise on everything....Anne Murray – all day, every day.” He adds gravely, “The Canadians. They walk among us. William Shatner. Michael J. Fox. Monty Hall. Mike Meyers. Alex Trebek. All of them Canadians. All of them here.”

Will the tide of migration reverse? Will Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau proclaim, “Give me your tired...your huddled masses yearning to breathe free...eh?” The arrogance of Canada is spilling like evil maple syrup over the American border.


G.K. Chesterton on Nationalism in his Wry Guys t shirt 

Funny political t shirts and libertarian gear for Canadians and others.

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