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Whiskey & Wry

34. Is the 'Lesser Evil' Un-American?

“Whatever else you do -- vote!” This common exhortation should raise suspicion. As the great American philosopher George Carlin observed, "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." It that's the case, whatever politicians urge you to do – don't. An evil donkey or an evil elephant? We'll take neither, thank you, as we have no interest in sanctioning the scam. Contrary to popular belief, your vote won't change a thing. Bureaucrats will still regulate business and sex, propagandize children, violate privacy, confiscate wealth, punish savers to bail out elites, bomb civilians, quash free speech, inflate the money...

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33. Blame Canada

A familiar election cry: “If X wins, I'm moving to Canada!” But, if X = Trump, then a migration becomes more likely. And Canadians are wriggling cold toes in anticipatory delight at a possible flood of greenbacks and celebs. The “Cape Breton if Donald Trump Wins” site was so inundated by American queries that immigration lawyers now offer free advice to ride an expected bonanza of business. Nova Scotia's official travel agency, Destination Cape Breton, is assisting the beleaguered website which was intended as a prank. The dating service Maple Match is now arranging for unwed Canadians to hook up...

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32. Sweet 'Meteor of Death' for President?

According to the Washington Times, 13 percent of Americans prefer to be hit by a Sweet Meteor of Death (SMOD) over a Clinton or Trump presidency. An additional 7 percent were “not sure” whether extinction is better than 4 years of either candidate in the White House. Public Policy Polling reported that “the 'Giant Meteor for President' movement "isparticularly appealing to independent voters.” Furthermore, according to The Hill, “(a) whopping 27 percent of independents support the Giant Meteor, compared to 31 percent supporting Trump and 35 percent Clinton.” In September, a reporter from the Daily Caller caught up with SMOD as...

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31. If only the Founding Fathers drank less

If only James Madison and Thomas Jefferson had not gotten so drunk that night. America might have a clearer path forward on freedom of speech. Their midnight meeting at a tavern was occasioned by an earlier rant by Alexander Hamilton. “It'll make us a nation of pansy-assed whiners!” Hamilton had exclaimed of the First Amendment. "People'll spout off about whatever they want." "Calm down Zander," Madison soothed. “We need a Bill of Rights to get the Constitution ratified. Compromising on slavery simply isn't enough." "We could always move it down in rank, say to Eighth place in the Bill of Rights," Jefferson...

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30. Trump-eting the Real Danger of a Donald Presidency

Former Saturday Night Live player Janeane Garofalo captured the true tragedy of a possible Trump Presidency, “Yes, we can laugh at Donald Trump, but....you can’t….parody Donald Trump.” His self-congratulatory outlandishness erases the line between parody and reality. Another SNL alumnus, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, accepted her 2015 Emmy with the words, “What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight.” Then, she credited Trump for the quote, adding, “It’s getting trickier and trickier to satirize this stuff.” Political satire draws on three basic wellsprings. The first is to exaggerate and skew. But Trump is already exaggerated, from soaring towers to Barbie-doll...

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