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Whiskey & Wry — Hillary Clinton

38. The circus has left town - or has it?

It's the end of an era, folks. This week marks the permanent closure of an antiquated production known for its gaudy spectacle, showmanship, and cruelty. Yes, that's right — say good-bye to the Clinton Foundation. Having lost the presidency, Bill and Hillary now lack a vehicle for influence peddling, so they're shutting down their controversial foundation. Wait, no, that's not what this post is about. After 146 years of successfully preventing riots by pissed-off elephants and instilling a deep-seated fear of clowns in generations of young people, Ringling Brothers is calling it quits. We'll miss cramming ourselves onto cold, merciless, back-breaking...

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34. Is the 'Lesser Evil' Un-American?

“Whatever else you do -- vote!” This common exhortation should raise suspicion. As the great American philosopher George Carlin observed, "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." It that's the case, whatever politicians urge you to do – don't. An evil donkey or an evil elephant? We'll take neither, thank you, as we have no interest in sanctioning the scam. Contrary to popular belief, your vote won't change a thing. Bureaucrats will still regulate business and sex, propagandize children, violate privacy, confiscate wealth, punish savers to bail out elites, bomb civilians, quash free speech, inflate the money...

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33. Blame Canada

A familiar election cry: “If X wins, I'm moving to Canada!” But, if X = Trump, then a migration becomes more likely. And Canadians are wriggling cold toes in anticipatory delight at a possible flood of greenbacks and celebs. The “Cape Breton if Donald Trump Wins” site was so inundated by American queries that immigration lawyers now offer free advice to ride an expected bonanza of business. Nova Scotia's official travel agency, Destination Cape Breton, is assisting the beleaguered website which was intended as a prank. The dating service Maple Match is now arranging for unwed Canadians to hook up...

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30. Trump-eting the Real Danger of a Donald Presidency

Former Saturday Night Live player Janeane Garofalo captured the true tragedy of a possible Trump Presidency, “Yes, we can laugh at Donald Trump, but....you can’t….parody Donald Trump.” His self-congratulatory outlandishness erases the line between parody and reality. Another SNL alumnus, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, accepted her 2015 Emmy with the words, “What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight.” Then, she credited Trump for the quote, adding, “It’s getting trickier and trickier to satirize this stuff.” Political satire draws on three basic wellsprings. The first is to exaggerate and skew. But Trump is already exaggerated, from soaring towers to Barbie-doll...

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28. George Carlin on Voting

“If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it.”— Mark Twain, or Emma Goldman, or Philip Berrigan ... Take your pick!  What do Mark Twain and the anarchists have in common? Apart from being credited with the same quote, they knew the electoral process was a rigged circus. Because he passionately blended stand-up with anti-voting, comedian George Carlin was called a closet anarchist ... which would explain why he dressed in black. With a choice of “Donald v. Hillary,” non-voting is poised to soar and non-voters will be excoriated once again as "irresponsible." They need the Carlin Defense....

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