Whiskey & Wry — election 2016

It's a movie moment you're sure to recognize. Breathing heavily, carrying himself as a man accustomed to getting his own way — and destroying those who stand in his path — the Supervillain strides ominously to the microphone. With sweeping gestures and self-righteous rhetoric, he informs those assembled that the evil he commits is really for their benefit. He solemnly vows to free his audience from their troubles and suffering, and he pledges to hold those responsible accountable. The Supervillain understands their pain and he shares their anger. They're angry about taxes. They're angry about crime. They're angry about corrupt...

“Whatever else you do -- vote!” This common exhortation should raise suspicion. As the great American philosopher George Carlin observed, "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out." It that's the case, whatever politicians urge you to do – don't. An evil donkey or an evil elephant? We'll take neither, thank you, as we have no interest in sanctioning the scam. Contrary to popular belief, your vote won't change a thing. Bureaucrats will still regulate business and sex, propagandize children, violate privacy, confiscate wealth, punish savers to bail out elites, bomb civilians, quash free speech, inflate the money...

A familiar election cry: “If X wins, I'm moving to Canada!” But, if X = Trump, then a migration becomes more likely. And Canadians are wriggling cold toes in anticipatory delight at a possible flood of greenbacks and celebs. The “Cape Breton if Donald Trump Wins” site was so inundated by American queries that immigration lawyers now offer free advice to ride an expected bonanza of business. Nova Scotia's official travel agency, Destination Cape Breton, is assisting the beleaguered website which was intended as a prank. The dating service Maple Match is now arranging for unwed Canadians to hook up...

Former Saturday Night Live player Janeane Garofalo captured the true tragedy of a possible Trump Presidency, “Yes, we can laugh at Donald Trump, but....you can’t….parody Donald Trump.” His self-congratulatory outlandishness erases the line between parody and reality. Another SNL alumnus, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, accepted her 2015 Emmy with the words, “What a great honor it must be for you to honor me tonight.” Then, she credited Trump for the quote, adding, “It’s getting trickier and trickier to satirize this stuff.” Political satire draws on three basic wellsprings. The first is to exaggerate and skew. But Trump is already exaggerated, from soaring towers to Barbie-doll...

“If voting made any difference, they wouldn't let us do it.”— Mark Twain, or Emma Goldman, or Philip Berrigan ... Take your pick!  What do Mark Twain and the anarchists have in common? Apart from being credited with the same quote, they knew the electoral process was a rigged circus. Because he passionately blended stand-up with anti-voting, comedian George Carlin was called a closet anarchist ... which would explain why he dressed in black. With a choice of “Donald v. Hillary,” non-voting is poised to soar and non-voters will be excoriated once again as "irresponsible." They need the Carlin Defense....